


a normal platonic hang sesh

by Prim_the_Amazing



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, F/F, F/M, Foursome - F/M/M/M, Multi, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 14:14:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20083555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prim_the_Amazing/pseuds/Prim_the_Amazing
Summary: “Do you guys know each other?”Karkat chokes off into red faced inarticulate flustered rage at that, but Terezi just barks a laugh.“Uh, yeah, kinda,” Dave says.“I know some parts especially well,” Terezi leers, and John squints at her suspiciously. She wiggles her eyebrows at him and Dave’s pale face starts going very red.-John introduces his new girlfriend to his best platonic bros, except it turns out that she used to date BOTH of them. Awkward much, or an opportunity to have a foursome on the couch?





	a normal platonic hang sesh

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Caracalliope](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caracalliope/gifts).

Dave is disgracefully sprawled out across the couch like a puppet with its strings cut and disdainfully tossed onto the nearest surface, head angled closer towards the floor than the ceiling, shades clinging to his stoic face through sheer ironic force of will. 

“That’s bad for your back, fuckface,” Karkat spits as he returns with his freshly heated (volcanic) hot pocket. He shoves limbs aside to reclaim his space on the couch. 

“Yes, mom,” Dave drones and tosses his feet onto Karkat’s lap instead. He glares at them, pretending like the warmth in his chest is pure dignified rage. He bites into his hot pocket and swears. “Oh, yo, get this. John’s bringing his new gee-ef over to meet us.” 

“Just say girlfriend,” he says shortly. 

Dave raises an eyebrow at him. 

“What! Lower that smug condescending know-it-all feculent little eyebrow  _ right now--”  _

“Dude. You’re so jealous.” 

The hot pocket gets demolished in his tightly clenched fist, piping hot tomato goo oozing over onto his fingers and burning them instantly. _ “I’m not jealous!”  _

“Bro, it’s fiiiine. So you had a little crush on Egbert before we started dating--” 

Karkat makes a noise of disgust. 

“--and he rejected you--” 

He hisses. 

“--and while you moved onto me there’s always been a little nugget inside of you wistfully yearning for the Egbert dick--” 

Karkat licks the tomato goo off his hand, burning his tongue, eyes dangerously narrowed. 

“--and now that little nugget’s got its heart broken because he’s moved on and is smashing faces and bits with some girl because he’s ‘not a homosexual’ even though you’re not really allowed to be sad about it because you’ve been smashing faces and bits with your boyfriend for years now and its not like you  _ own _ Egbert, he can go and smash faces with whoever he wants to, what say do you have with it? You’ve been dating someone else for years now. Is he just supposed to never date anyone for the rest of his life so that you don’t have to feel bad? Well yes but that’d be psychopathic, obviously. And what does it say about you anyway that you’re so bummed out about Egbert moving on while you’re in a relationship with someone else, like what, were you just waiting for your chance to jump ship the second he showed interest or--?” 

This is about the moment when Dave realizes that he’s been digging his grave for about the last solid minute while Karkat silently watched him spiral downwards like a malfunctioning propeller airplane with a column of smoke behind it to go and crash in a spectacular ball of fire onto the ground. He breaks off into mumbling and stuttering, face red, languorous sprawl suddenly stiff and awkward. 

If this was a few years ago, this is about when Karkat would defensively launch into an hour long shouting tirade about how he would  _ never  _ cheat on him how fucking  _ dare _ he imply that Karkat would ever have any feelings for  _ anyone  _ but Dave he can’t even  _ see _ anyone elses boobs, Dave, he’s blind to them, he hasn’t even  _ thought  _ about anyone’s elses ass, he hasn’t even had a single involuntary _ dream  _ about John not wearing a shirt, how fucking dare you-- 

Now, Karkat has enough common sense to realize that about halfway through Dave’s meandering monologue whenever he said ‘you’ he actually meant ‘I’. 

So Karkat just rolls his eyes and pats Dave’s ankle condescendingly. “Calm down, shit nugget,” he says. “I know that you’re not going to elope with fucking Egbert, leaving me and his ridiculous heterosexual style human girlfriend behind to drown in our tears.” 

“I am perfectly calm at all times,” Dave lies. “And I’m also pretty sure that this chick is a troll.” 

Well, that doesn’t make it sting an extra little bit at all. 

“What fucking ever,” he says gruffly. “When are they coming over?” 

“Like, uh…” Dave taps at his phone for a bit. “Now.” 

The doorbell rings. 

“What!?” he demands. “What kind of rude insipid maggot comes and visits with a five second goddamned fucking warning-- get out of the way I’m getting the vaccuum cleaner.” 

“Babe, don’t vacuum while Egbert and his beau’s here.” 

“Of fucking course not, we’re making them wait outside on the porch until I’m done.” 

Dave does his little quiet genuinely amused laugh at that, and then gets up to answer the door, the traitorous fuck. He wasn’t _ joking.  _ Karkat snarls and starts shoving things underneath the couch. He spots a stray pizza slice lying on the table, tries to remember the last time they had pizza, fails, and grabs it to run it to the garbage in the kitchen before Dave has the chance to expose their shame to Egbert (who rejected him) or his new matesprit (who he chose instead of Karkat). 

Honestly, knowing that shameless buck toothed disgrace to humanity, his matesprit’s likely a dingus of such epic proportions that just laying eyes on her is going to launch him into seizures of disgust so severe that he’ll widow Dave in an instant. She’s probably awful, and stupid, and just the  _ worst-- _

“Hey dude--  _ fuck!”  _

Karkat fumbles the pizza slice at that. Dave doesn’t  _ shout.  _

He hears Egbert’s incredulous surprised laughter from the doorway. “Wow, Dave! She’s not _ that  _ ugly. Rude, much?” 

He tosses the pizza into the garbage and doesn’t wait to see if his aim was on point. He has to see this apparently _ hideous _ troll right this instant--

There’s a familiar hyena cackle and he stumbles and then stares incredulously as he sees the infamous as of five minutes ago Devastating New Matesprit. 

There’s Dave, his poker face fumbled worse than a football player with greasy hands covered in butter trying in vain to keep his hold on the ball. There’s John, still infuriatingly  _ tall _ and  _ strong _ and  _ handsome _ and _ grinning,  _ eyes blue and skin dark and dimples dimpling. 

There’s _ Terezi,  _ short and sharp and boxy, leaning against John as she tosses her head back and laughs herself breathless at just how hilarious this scenario is. 

Oh  _ fuck _ indeed. 

John kind of feels like the asshole left out of the joke here, except Terezi’s the only one laughing, and she laughs at a lot of stuff that isn’t even funny, so maybe she’s just being a huge weirdo again. Except that Karkat and even Dave are both gaping at them like they both just whipped their clothes off and declared that they were doing it on their kitchen table immediately and they should go and leave their apartment for about the next four hours or so. 

He looks from Terezi, who’s still unhelpfully laughing, Dave, who’s still unhelpfully staring, and Karkat, who has now started swearing in that way that promises that he’s building up some real steam for a  _ proper  _ tantrum. That’s not very helpful either. 

“What’s going on?” he asks. 

“--is  _ no fucking way  _ that you didn’t do this on purpose, you shitmonger!” Karkat howls, and John’s not really sure if he’s shouting at him or Terezi or maybe god? He sometimes does that. He needs someone to blame and shout at sometimes, and Dave spent a lot of time on making him not just default to himself. 

“Jesus Christ,” Dave mutters, and lets them inside the apartment. Terezi snickers, calming down enough to stand up under her own power, and starts happily licking things, her motions theatrical in that way that means that she’s half doing it just to bother the onlookers. He rolls his eyes at her, sure that she’ll smell the blueberry of them moving. 

“Do you guys know each other?” 

Karkat chokes off into red faced inarticulate flustered rage at that, but Terezi just barks a laugh. 

“Uh, yeah, kinda,” Dave says. 

“I know some parts especially well,” Terezi leers, and John squints at her suspiciously. She wiggles her eyebrows at him and Dave’s pale face starts going very red. 

“Oooh I missed that cherry smell,” Terezi croons in her creaky voice and drifts towards Dave like he’s a magnet and she’s a paperclip. She abruptly lunges for him like she’s going to drag her tongue across his face, which is something that John doesn’t doubt for one moment is her exact intention, but Dave holds her off. 

“Down, woman,” he says flatly. “You’re a kept woman now, and so am I. It’s not meant to be.” 

She laughs. “John couldn’t catch me if he tried!” 

“Hey!” he feels mostly obligated to protest, even as he starts to put the puzzle pieces together. “Did you two… date?” 

“Oh man, way to put it in the dorkiest way possible, Egbert,” Dave says, still warding Terezi and her overly handsy tongue off. “You might as well said that we were courting. Canoodling. Romancing. Like I was holding a boombox outside of her window like a shitty modern day Romeo. A real roses and chocolate boxes sort of situation.” 

“You gave me roses once,” Terezi says, nipping at Dave’s fingers with her shark sharp teeth so that he has to snatch them away. “They were  _ delicious.”  _

“Those were ironic roses.” 

“I said it like a normal human person, Dave.” 

“Don’t be xenophobic,” Karkat says, and John has to throw his hands up into the air and groan. 

“And he wasn’t the only one I was  _ romancing,” _ Terezi says, the last word coming out somehow horribly indecent past her long tongue and sharp teeth and grinning lips. 

After a long moment John says, “Wait.” 

“Kill me now,” Dave says. Karkat makes a noise like a horrendously dented teakettle. 

“Were you dating both of my bros, Terezi?” he asks indignantly. 

“And what if I was?” she asks delightedly. 

“They’re sensitive! You can’t just play with their delicate hearts like that, wow. That’s so mean!” He feels weirdly like he needs to give his own girlfriend a retroactive shovel talk. 

_ “Sensitive!” _ Karkat repeats with unparalleled amounts of disgust for the word. 

“Well, er, what I mean is that you’re both just a bit, um, emotional? And that’s not bad! It just means that people like  _ Terezi,” _ he shoots her a glare that she clearly revels in, “need to be _ careful _ and  _ nice _ and not  _ break your hearts--” _

“John, please, you’re going to annihilate me,” Dave begs. “She didn’t date us both at the same time, okay.” 

“Well,” he says, and huffs a bit. “Good.” 

“So gallant!” Terezi crows. “Protecting your hatefriends honor!” 

_ Someone has to, _ he wants to say, except she’s clearly not being sincere here. Instead he says, “They’re just normal friends, Terezi.” And then, “Wait, so you’re  _ both _ Dave and Karkat’s ex girlfriend?” 

“Well deduced, egghead!” she says, giving him a condescending pat on the arm. 

“Wow, uh, that’s kinda awkward, huh?” he laughs. “And weird?” 

“The love triangle drama brought them together,” she says. “You could say that in a way that they owe all of their current happiness to me and they should probably pay me monthly alimony out of gratitude.” 

“Woah, you guys were in a love triangle? Like a bunch of conventionally attractive movie stars? And you didn’t tell me?” John asks his friends accusingly. 

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Dave mutters, and what’s _ that _ supposed to mean, except then Karkat’s sputtering, “It wasn’t any of your business, you overly curious douche canoe!” 

John kinda wants to rib Terezi for being the one who came out of that without a significant other, except actually that sounds kinda mean now that he thinks about it, if she was actually emotionally invested in that at the time, so instead he for some reason says, “Wow, that means that everyone here’s had sex with Terezi, ha ha.” 

There’s an awkward moment as everyone stares at him, and then Terezi snorts at him. “Doofus.” 

“Do you just say everything that pops into your brain, Egbert,” Dave says. 

“You’re one to talk, dude!” he says, perhaps a bit defensively, his cheeks still hot from that little social fail blip. 

“You’re a disgusting degenerate and I’m ashamed to know you,” Karkat declares, which honestly doesn’t hit him all that hard since it isn’t exactly the first time that he’s pronounced something like this. “In fact, you’re _ all _ awful. I’m going to go and get some drinks.” 

“Thank you,” John says like a polite guest. Terezi sprawls onto the couch like a rude one. He hassles her about it and shoves and drags her out of the way because it’s really the only way to get a place to sit with her around. She deliberately digs her bony socked feet into his thigh and grins, so large and sharp, and if they were alone right now this is when he’d cover her tiny body with all of his and kiss her. But no, Dave is here, looming awkwardly in all of his beanpole glory by the couch instead of on it, and Karkat’s puttering around in the kitchen. So instead he just thinks about doing it, safe and alone in his head, except he’s not alone with Terezi in his head either. They’re right where they are, Dave standing over them, watching, Karkat so close by-- 

Woah, okay. Time to shunt  _ that  _ train off its tracks. That’s a  _ weird _ thing to think about, kissing your girlfriend in front of your bros (who have also kissed your girlfriend). Not to mention a stupid thing to think about, heat pooling in his face and in the pit of his belly. Now is not the time to get a boner. Approximately zero of the people here would politely ignore it if they notice. 

Karkat comes back with a glass of apple juice, red kool-aid, and two cups of coffee, one black and one beige. John takes the black one, humming appreciation. He still remembers the way he likes it. Terezi snatches the kool-aid away from Karkat like he might change his mind and keep it for himself, and he rolls his eyes while he presses the apple juice into Dave’s limply waiting hands. 

“Thank you for the sweet apple nectar, babe.” 

“You’re going to die of diabetes and I’ll be charged with your murder for indulging in your disgusting sugar habits.” 

“Oh yes, I bet I could swing that charge,” Terezi says with ominous glee before swigging her drink. 

“Only in Troll court,” John says, and sips at his own coffee. No sugar either. He grins at Karkat, who flushes and pointedly looks away. 

Terezi goes  _ pftah  _ and then starts going over why human court is wretched and ridiculous and makes zero sense and the ‘jury of your peers’ should really be ‘jury of your social and financial superiors’, and John thoughtfully looks between Terezi and Karkat and imagines what them kissing must have been like. 

That’s. A _ lot _ of teeth. Two short loud weird aliens clawing at each other and kissing, their weird (and _ really great)  _ tenta-bulge things tangling together like a couple of friendly slimy snakes, teal and red and--

John gulps down some more coffee. Okay, that was more than just a little imagined kissing for curiosity’s sake. But. It’s not his fault! He  _ knows  _ that Terezi and Karkat (and Dave) must have had sex now. How is he supposed to  _ not _ think about it? Picture it? Imagine what it was like? What it looked like, what they sounded like…

Terezi snuffles at his neck and jaw, a familiar motion that he flinches at because he did not see that coming and fuck ow now there’s hot coffee on his hand. He gently shoves her away and instinctively puts the mildly scalded part of his hand into his mouth to cool it off. He frowns in her direction. 

“You smell like you’re thinking about something  _ interesting,” _ she says, grin all predatory glee. 

He flushes, which he knows that she can smell underneath the deep brown of his skin, so that’s a _ terrible _ tell. “Am not,” he says hotly, which is also a pretty terrible tell. 

She contrives to grin wider. “You’re smelling kind of  _ riled up,  _ defendant.” 

This is starting to alarmingly sound like the kind of teasing playful conversation they’d have if they were alone in the bedroom and feeling frisky. Notedly _ not  _ while having a normal platonic hang sesh with their friendly pals who some of them may or may not have had sex with before. 

“Ooh, it just spiked,” she says. 

He’s gearing up to find some kind of not lame response to that, when Karkat interrupts with, “Wait.” 

John looks at him guiltily, as if he’s about to spring up and accuse him of being some kind of pervert who gets off on his girlfriend sleeping with his friends, which he’s  _ not, _ it’s normal to feel a little hot under the collar if you’re imagining your girlfriend naked even if it is with other people and those other people are perhaps your good friends that you like a lot but not in _ that _ way--

“Are you two fuckheads _ pitch _ for each other?” 

“Um,” he says. “What?” 

“Yeah, duh,” Terezi says. “You’ve cracked the case, Troll Sherlock!” 

“I can’t believe this!” Karkat rages, and Dave groans and slides off the couch and onto the floor in defeat. “You said that you didn’t  _ do _ hate!” 

“Oh,” he says, brain catching up. “You mean the kiss nemesis thing? No, I don’t do that.” 

“Bullshit!” Karkat snaps back immediately as Terezi laughs without hesitation. “You’re doing it right now, in front of my eyes, you absolute disgrace!” 

“We just like bickering,” he insists. 

“Humans are so stupid,” Terezi says fondly. 

“You turned me down because you didn’t do ‘weird troll hatemance’, you  _ said _ so, and here I find you performing a sickeningly cliche bit of classic kismesis flirting because-- what, semantics!?” 

Dave groans from the floor. “Karrrrrkat. Please stop.” 

John shrugs sheepishly. “Sorry, dude, but I just don’t hate you! I like you a lot.” 

Karkat spends a moment to physically swell over that like his lungs are bellows, and then Dave shoves a pillow into his chest and he grabs at it and screams into it. John watches, feeling vaguely entertained. 

Terezi snickers, sprawled out over his side, which is a pretty normal state of affairs, except then she slips a hand up his shirt and he jumps after spending a moment not registering it as out of place. 

“Terezi,” he hisses at her. 

“What?” she whispers back mock innocently.  _ “They’re _ being all cute, why can’t we?” 

Because  _ they’re _ doing normal publically allowed cute couple stuff like knowing each other’s habits and being fond and exasperated of each other, and  _ Terezi _ is feeling John up in their living room and Dave and Karkat are going to notice in five seconds because they’re two feet away. One is fine and the other is very much not. 

John doesn’t know how to subtly whisper shout to Terezi about common social mores while she’s got her hand up his shirt though, so instead he just glares at her hard enough that she should notice, a scowl that says  _ you know why.  _

She huffs at him like  _ he’s  _ being unreasonable. “You  _ want  _ to.” 

“Wants to what?” Dave asks, and then goes, “Uh,” and John knows that he’s seen it. He tilts his head back and swallows an embarrassed groan. 

“See you  _ kiss,” _ she says. 

Karkat drops the pillow he was screaming into. “What?” 

“Wants to see you kiss me, I guess, although I’m sure he’d like watching any combination, the horrible peeping tom--” 

“I’m going to kill you dead,” he informs her. 

“Threats of assault!” she shouts delightedly. “Finally, my months long sting is over and I’m finally free of having to lick your ugly mug--” 

He wrestles her onto the couch and underneath him, and she laughs and gives him ugly bruises with her sharp knees and elbows with zero regret or compassion. “Assault! Molestation!” She licks a long stripe up his neck. “I thought you didn’t  _ want  _ to fool around?” 

“Arg,” he says, desperately trying to ignore the hard on in his pants. “Shut up, this is nonsexual wrestling.” 

She works a knee between his legs and  _ applies pressure. _ He wheezes a little and crumples on top of her, face falling into the crook of her neck. 

“Oh suuuure,” she says. “You know, you’d really be the worst criminal, John. You’re so transparent even a blind girl can read you like a book!” 

“Oh my god,” Karkat says. John dreadfully turns his head to look up at his friends, and finds to his dismay that Karkat’s bug eyed and Dave red faced and silent. And looking at him, lying on top of Terezi on the couch with her knee between his legs-- 

Well, this is the worst visit ever. He was kind of just assuming that Terezi might lick their TV screen and get Karkat to throw a violent tantrum and maybe make Dave a little bit uncomfortable. 

She sniffs at the air, and then loudly whispers hot breath into his ear, “And they want to watch us kiss too.” 

John’s brain kind of short circuits at that. 

“W-- we _ do not!  _ That’s fucking libel, Pyrope, and slander, and sexual indecency, and entrapment and--!” 

_ “Entrapment?”  _ she asks, craning her head and arching her neck to snuff in Karkat’s direction, smile wide enough to split her face in two. “So you _ do  _ want to watch us kiss?” 

Karkat makes that choking noise of his. “That’s-- you  _ tricked _ me into wanting that, it’s not fair!” 

_ That’s not a no.  _

John’s brain finally goes warm and foggy enough to stop caring about the kind of bullshit that stops him from making out with his girlfriend on his friends couch while they watch, and he does just that. She laughs into his mouth and then hums, pleased. Her lips are familiar, her claws running down the back of his shirt sharp and hard enough to feel through the fabric, and he can hear Karkat bite his tongue on more defensive lies and Dave sharply inhale. His skin prickles with their watching eyes, and he presses himself more firmly up against Terezi’s knee. 

And then she slices the back of his shirt off with a neat little rip of her claws, and he bites her lower lip hard enough that it’d bleed if she were human. She laughs at him. 

“The defendant is sentenced for being a  _ weakling _ with blunt teeth that can’t even give proper hate bites, your tyranny--” 

He shucks the rags that are left of his shirt off and then tries to flip her over onto her stomach. She squirms out from under him like a greased weasel made of bony elbows and cackles as she launches herself off the couch. He gets up to chase her down, just like he’s supposed to, and stumbles with how abruptly he has to stop himself when he sees that she’s grinning at him from behind Dave’s back. 

“Oooh, Dave,” she croons in her raspy voice, “aren’t you going to _ save _ me from your brute friend?” 

“Uh,” Dave says, face as red as his shirt, stiff and uncomfortable. 

Thoughtlessly, John looks down at Dave’s-- bulge. Wow, yeah, it sure is… bulging. It feels like something in his veins  _ spikes.  _

“Maybe throw yourself on the sword for me,” she goes on, and winks one red eye at John over Dave’s shoulder. He sputters and shoots her an indignant flustered look. The _ sword. _ Gross. 

“I call it the hammer,” he says. 

She throws her head back and shrieks off her hyena laugh, and then shoves Dave in his direction (after pinching his ass, he’s pretty sure). John reaches out to catch him in his arms, even though Dave finds his feet fast. Oh, his shades have slipped some. His eyes are so wide. So dark. 

His arms have settled themselves very comfortably around Dave’s waist, without him noticing it happening. 

“Kissssss,” Terezi hisses off to the side, in Karkat’s direction, he thinks pretty distantly. Right now he can’t really make himself look away from Dave, but Terezi and Karkat’s presence and _ attention _ prickles hotly at the back of his mind. 

He licks his lips, a bit like a guy who’s nervous, and unintentionally a whole lot like a guy who’s about to kiss his friend. 

“Um,” John says. “Only if you want to…?” 

Dave’s mouth, which is suddenly _ really _ hard not to pay attention to, opens, closes. After a moment, he seems to recapture his words. “Fuck yeah, dude. Lay one on me like--” 

Before he can say anything about French girls or long dumb rambling metaphors, John’s kissing him. Terezi whoops and John closes his eyes, sinking into it. 

His mouth is different from Terezi’s. Obviously. Warmer. Sweeter. Not as sharp. He licks it open instead of using his teeth or a well timed squeeze at the ribs or anywhere more sensitive. It feels a bit less like a playful game and more like something to just-- enjoy. 

The fact that they’re being watched makes it more… more. His hands slide up Dave’s back, lingering over the texture of thin scars, and warm, lithe muscles. He only stops kissing him to breathe when he’s got Dave’s shirt pushed far enough up that he can pull it off his head, ruffling up his pale hair along the way. 

Oh, his lips are all red and shiny and a little bit swollen now. His face is red and he’s gulping down air a little bit desperately, chest rising and falling.  _ Hot.  _

“Oh… kay,” Dave says, sounding a little dazed. “That was… cool. Great kissing, Egbert, she’s really trained you well.” 

He puffs up with indignation.  _ “She  _ trained  _ me?  _ It took me three weeks to get her to stop slicing up my tongue!” 

“Dave appreciated that in me!” Terezi chimes in, and he turns around to glare at her and-- stops. Stares instead. 

She’s wearing nothing but her underwear, and she’s got Karkat pressed up against a wall where he can watch John and Dave if he doesn’t want to look down at her as she works on dragging his pants down to his ankles. His sweater’s gone and thrown away, and bite marks trail down from his neck to his chest. His ruffled hair looks _ more _ ruffled. 

“You two smelled very pretty together,” she says, yanking and shoving at Karkat’s feet to get him to step out of his pants. “But not very productive.” 

She smiles at him, smug, smug, smug.  _ I’m winning, _ that smile says, and his blood goes hot and boiling with irritated arousal. He immediately shucks his own pants off, along with his socks and underwear. 

Dave and Karkat make the exact same strangled noise and blatantly stare at his hard cock. John’s face feels hot, and he deliberately doesn’t cover himself up. He gives Terezi a  _ so there _ look, and she just grins at him like he’s being hilarious. 

“You should lick it,” she informs Dave with a conspiratorial air. “It tastes like chocolate covered strawberries.” 

“It’s not going to taste like that for you,” he assures Dave. 

“You let her put her  _ mouth _ on your  _ bulge?” _ Karkat demands, horrified. 

“Uh, yeah?” 

“That thing’s a fucking beartrap, Egbert!” 

On time, Terezi snaps her teeth at the air with vicious playfulness. It startles a giggle out of John and a curse from Karkat. 

“Fucking legend,” Dave says, sounding suitably impressed. 

And then Terezi rises from her crouch at Karkat’s knees and kisses his mouth open. He stiffens and then melts almost instantly, little breathy muffled  _ mms  _ escaping him as they clutch at each other, claws digging in tightly without breaching thick sturdy skin. 

“Fuck,” Dave breathes. 

“Nnf,” John agrees. 

They look good together. Lots of teeth, yeah, but there’s also  _ movement _ in their underwear as they grind up against each other, darkening spots of eager moisture in the fabric. Teal and red. He watches breathlessly, and only inhales belatedly as Dave hesitantly presses up behind him. Still wearing pants, but still hard too, pushed up against his ass. His hand slowly comes around him, sliding cautiously towards…

“Yeah,” John says, answering the unasked question. 

Dave’s long fingers curl around his cock, and John’s breath shudders out of him. They look really good there,  _ fuck. _ Feel even better. 

“Shit,” Dave mutters into John’s ear. “Fucking figures that you’d be packing this absolutely absurd monstrosity, Egbert.” 

“What-- what’s wrong with it?” It’s kind of hard to put words together once Dave’s hand starts slowly  _ moving _ on his dick, sliding up and down in a careful, experimental way. 

“What’s  _ wrong _ with it, he says like the oblivious dipshit he is.” 

John would tell him to fuck off, except just then Dave thumbs the head of his cock and he groans instead. Terezi has gotten her hand down Karkat’s boxer briefs, and her own bulge is making a spirited attempt of escaping and squirming out of her own underwear all on its own. 

Belatedly, he paws behind him at Dave’s pants. “Clothes,” he says. “Get out of them.” 

“Shit, alright--” 

_ “Quick.”  _

He reluctantly tears his eyes away from the troll makeout fest happening in front of him only a few feet away to see Dave raising an eyebrow at him. “Now is the tempting allure of flat albino ass your personal aphrodisiac or--?” 

“Yes Dave, you’re very sexy,” John says impatiently, “but you’re going to have to hurry up if we’re going to get naked before them.” 

Terezi breaks out into peals of laughter against Karkat’s throat, but is interrupted by  _ Karkat _ getting a hand down  _ her _ underwear. She makes a low groaning sound instead. 

“Oh my god, I can’t believe this,” he says in a completely unsurprised monotone. “You’re using me to get one over your weird hate girlfriend.” 

“Am not,” he says automatically, even as his hands goes to Dave’s zipper. Dave twitches a little as his hands brush against the bulge of his crotch, but he otherwise endeavors not to react in the slightest. 

“Are too,” he says after a moment spent gathering his composure. John wrangles that fucking button. “I feel so used, Egbert. You’re crushing my heart over here--” 

“Let me make it up to you,” he says, and shoves Dave’s pants down and goes to his knees. Dave’s tongue stumbles clumsily into silence as John breaths hot breaths on his dick, amping himself up. Okay, he’s going to do it. He’s gonna suck a dick. Holy shit. No, keep your cool, John.  _ Terezi  _ doesn’t hesitate to suck dick. She’s right there and she’s going to make fun of him if he chickens out. Plus, it can’t be _ too _ different from sucking bulge. Easier, probably, since it won’t try slither down his throat the second he lets his guard down. Dicks are reliable like that. They stay where they’re put. 

He experimentally licks a stripe down Dave’s dick and listens to Karkat swear up a storm as Terezi laughs breathlessly and their bulges do something _ slick  _ sounding. It tastes musky and a little bit pleasantly salty. Dave inhales sharply and buries a hand into John’s hair. He doesn’t grip as tightly as Terezi usually does. More like it’s the only thing keeping him rooted to the ground than like he wants to yank John’s entire mouth down on him immediately. 

Encouraged, he tries to actually put some of that dick into his mouth. Presses his tongue against the tip a bit, and seals his lips tightly as he goes down, more out of habit than anything else. That’s how he has to do it with Terezi. Tight mouth around the mouthful, his hand gripping the slick wet base to make sure that not too much slides into his mouth. 

Dave  _ keens. _ It’s a heady sound. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Karkat chants. 

John opens his eyes and a little bit desperately tries to catch a glimpse of them out of the periphery of his eye. He doesn’t do very well, catches only a tantalizing smear of gray with brighter highlights of red and teal. His hands, which have settled on Dave’s bony hips, scratch slowly down thighs with spurned needy frustration. 

“Awww,” Terezi says, not sounding as cool and put together as she had been, but valiantly trying to be as mocking as ever. “Do you miss us, John?” 

He swallows down more of Dave instead of answering, tries to haul him in closer with his hands. Dave’s breathing so loudly, so desperately. 

“I think he does,” Terezi rasps. “I think-- I think we should go over there. Now.” 

His heartbeat is a hummingbird, and then Karkat and Terezi are finally  _ here, _ naked and close enough to touch, their thighs smeared with each others colors, bulges writhing to find something to wind around or penetrate. It looks like Karkat’s given Terezi’s pert tits some love bites, and he wants to kiss and lick and taste them. Terezi goes to her knees by him and gets close to his face, Dave’s dick thick and heavy in his mouth, and she just closes her eyes and  _ breathes it in _ like John sucking Dave’s cock is the most luxurious tantalizing meal in the world. 

“Pretty,” she sighs, creaky and wanting, touching herself. 

John looks up helplessly, only to be greeted to the sight of Karkat kissing what little breath Dave has left out of him. His shades are gone, and he looks like he needs Karkat’s support to remain standing. Karkat’s bulge curls wetly against Dave’s skin, leaving red streaks behind, and it's so  _ close.  _

John reaches out to touch it. Karkat hisses into Dave’s mouth, and the bulge curls around his fingers without hesitation. It’s a little bit different from Terezi’s. Something in the way it  _ moves _ is different, and he’s so weirdly charmed by that. 

Terezi’s cool hand goes around his dick, moving quick and confident and merciless, and he groans helplessly around Dave’s dick and he squeezes down on Karkat’s bulge and Terezi thrusts down on her own fingers as her bulge tries to strangle her own wrist and Karkat and Dave pant wetly against each others mouths. He feels overheated and dizzy and  _ wonderful,  _ a tingly feeling deep in his gut pulsing out farther and farther with each rapid beat of his heart. 

This is so good. All of his friends are so good, this is amazing, this feels great,  _ he feels-- _

Terezi steadies him as he kneels there and comes onto Dave’s legs and Terezi’s hand and the floor, and Karkat whispers something into Dave’s ear as he thrusts into John’s slack warm mouth and comes with a cracking shout. John swallows it down without thinking, floaty and warm and every nerve ending buzzing with goodness, and Karkat helps Dave stumble back onto the couch. Terezi gets up and drags him after her even though he’d really rather not move right now, tossing him onto the couch next to Dave. He sprawls over and next to him, sweaty hot skin pressed up against sweaty hot skin. 

“Shit,” Dave breathes. 

“Yeah,” John slurs, licking his lips, wiping his chin. Looks blearily over to Terezi, who has pushed Karkat down onto the couch next to Dave, and is crawling onto his lap. Sitting down on his bulge. He finds it himself to suck in a sharp breath and watch with wide attentive eyes as it slides eagerly up into Terezi’s nook, and she croons approval as she grinds down into Karkat’s lap, and then her own teal bulge snakes down and up into Karkat and his spine arches like he can feel it all up through his body like a lightning bolt. 

They look like art. 

He watches them move against each other, entranced, watches them bite kisses at each others mouths and hold onto each other as their movements grow more desperate, faster, rougher, harder, their pelvises pressed up against each other and Karkat’s head thrown back so that he can swear at the ceiling and Terezi laughing with overwhelmed joyful pleasure as her hair sways and John really, really likes watching them having a good time together. He feels so pleasantly warm, even if there’s a weird aftertaste in his mouth and his hand is sticky from Karkat’s alien dick. 

Dave’s fingers tangle around his, almost shyly. 

“Cool,” he says. 

“Yeah,” John agrees. This was an awesome idea. 

It turns out that both Terezi and Karkat are  _ super loud _ when they come. Why is he not surprised. 

Terezi slowly topples out of Karkat’s lap to sprawl across all of them like a felled tree, laughing breathlessly the whole while. Karkat looks like he’s gotten every swear word he knows fucked right out of him. 

“You know,” Dave breaches the silence. “I feel like this was pretty gay of you, Egbert.” 

“Pfft,” he says dismissively. “It’s not gay if you have a foursome with your girlfriend.” 

“You _ just _ sucked my dick.” 

“Hey,” Terezi says with a sloppy, tired, wide smile on her face. “I didn’t get to watch you kiss Karkat, John. And I didn’t get to kiss Dave!” 

“Oh damn, guess we have to do it again,” he says with his best  _ aw shucks  _ voice. 

Terezi snorts and Karkat makes a helplessly interested noise. Dave blinks his closed eyes open. His eyelashes are very nice. “Hang on, just let me go get my camera,” he says, and tries to get up. John obviously has to stop him so that he doesn’t leave a cold void behind his place in the cuddle pile. It’s pretty easy, when he’s still so slack and clumsy with pleasant afterglow. 

“Photographic evidence,” Terezi says approvingly. “I like how your mind works, mister cherry red.” Karkat is looking over at John holding Dave down with a wide eyes and red cheeks, transparently intrigued. 

“Five minutes,” John says, very reasonably, he thinks. He closes his eyes and enjoys the warmth of Dave’s skin and the presence of his friends all happy and together. “And then we can do it all over again.” 


End file.
